What does a large throne, a corgi, a tent and the Beckhams have in common

Bob Pank#

Author: Bob Pank#

Published 1st July 2012


What does a large throne, a corgi, a tent and the Beckhams have in common? Me! Surprisingly.
I've been involved in some pretty bizarre jobs and shoots before. I've ended up the Monument Tower in London with a skateboard deck on my back. I've been inches (inches!!) away from rapper Example. And I've seen someone fire a monkey at another exhibitor at BVE. (Not a real monkey, just in case you were about to call the RSPCA).
To add to my unique ability to work in odd situations was this month's shoot.
To begin with, I was assigned some pre-production work. I like pre-production. Usually it involves shopping.
I tend to live my life as if I starred in a movie. In this part of the movie, I'd be the slick, but quirky, assistant, running errands in stilettos, answering phone calls whilst drinking Starbucks and browsing through rails of printed scarves,
Anyway, back to reality.
My assorted shopping list, didn't include silk scarves a la The Devil Wears Prada, but a more random, and certainly quirky, list of props.
First on the list, a large, ornate, golden frame. And one that didn't cost fifty quid. Eventually I tracked one down in a shop that sells a very random selection of toys, homeware, giant calculators and party wigs. Include in the frame was a copy of an oil painting of an old, weathered, fisherman, complete with pipe. I named him Bill. Unfortunately he didn't make it into the shoot, but the client took a liking to him and promised to give him a good home.
Also I needed to buy a suit. I'm a girl. I know nothing about suit shopping. Thankfully one of my friends has a 5 suits and is a tad 'metro' so he came along and helped me choose.
So where do the Beckhams come into it all?
Unfortunately I wasn't working with the actual Beckhams. They were lookalikes. My, did the guy look like David Beckham. I kept staring at him trying to work out if it wasn't an episode of Pranked or something.
I've never worked with lookalikes before, it’s very unnerving! And embarrassing when you refer to them by their celebrity lookalike names. Poor people.
The location we used was a farmhouse, and the family had three boys. So naturally, having David Beckham in their house made them the coolest kids in school!
And the corgi? Well the plot of the shoot was that Victoria 'lookalike' Beckham was pretending to be the Queen. And you can't be a very convincing pretend Queen without a corgi. The dog was very well behaved, just sat there being stroked.
I've now worked with both children and animals. And neither of them are that bad. Though at a push I'd probably take the dog.
'Victoria' sat on a throne for both shoots, to continue with the royalty theme. The throne was huge, gold and had red cushions. Almost as ornate as Bill's frame. But the massive big chair couldn't get wet. And it was raining. A lot. So I was chief throne protector. Which sounds like I should be dressed in a black suit, with a earpiece, dark glasses and a shaved head. But whilst I take my job seriously, not that seriously. I held a brolly over it during takes. To shelter both the throne and also 'Victoria' who was dressed in a very long red robe and had a crown on her tiny head.
And the tent? The shoot was for a camping company, so some of the men in the team put up some tents. One guy was very particular about having the BBQ lit and smoking during every take. It was raining. Men.
This was definitely one of the more bizarre shoots I've worked on, but great fun! I think the normal ones a quite boring in comparison now!

Please do get in touch! I really value your opinions, advice and comments. Contact me on Twitter - @emmabeanies.

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